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Airport Security Check In :roll:
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I just flew down to Melbourne for several days {as support for #4 Son court stuff} ..

Brisbane airport .. As required going through security checkin, I placed my backpack on the roller conveyor alongside the tray with my small shit out of my pockets .. & waited to shuffle along .. up struts a little elderly, boney jointed, caramel wrinkled skin, jibberish speaking {I think} lady, holding in one hand pointing & waving a black stick with a white round patch on the end of it at me   ???? & pointing with her other hand to random stuff around check through area (she wasn't in the same uniform as the other lot that were mulling around the security check through, but did have a hivis lime vest on)
As she came closer I said
"Mate .. {as I mentioned before, I was unsure of gender, & even more so the closer .. so I played it safe} .. I ain't a clue what'cha goin'n on 'bout." looking about for someone to either 'clarify' what she was on about or reel her in ..
"please sir mister come this over way for bag on bench search"
A big-grinned, huge, tubby solid fat, BLACK as, African dude said from the other line .. he had to be over 7' but had a light soft voice ..  
Then the caramel prune made hand motions to open my pack .. done .. proceeds to point & poke it into my shit, several times .. then .. on the outside of the bag, my leg   .. my wallet, inside my hat [they were in the tray that I carried over with my backpack] .. then wandered off to the other side of the body scans, I lost visual contact ..
The happy chappy dude said that she was looking for drugs, when I queried what that was all about, to which I asked: "do they share when they find some ??"
deep chuckle then a light soft "no no no no no" with a grin & smile that near met at the back of his basketball-sized head {his voice didn't match his body} .. he has a set of teeth that reminded me of a pilot [on a train .. cowcatcher], but his eyes didn't carry the same smile ..
then he just tells me to take bag & go back    
.. so back off I go to line up for the roller conveyor .. again    

Did you know that if you touch the body scan on the way through it goes off ?? .. & don't EVERY BODY'S head snap around    

Second time all good
.. but just as I pass through, I'm directed, like by a traffic cop, pointed over to the spot to be out of EVERYBODY ELSE'S way & wait by a big chubby Greek        
After the starfish pose .. & the small Pakistani kid {he couldn't have been any older than 20, but look 12 -14} with his flat black stick that went 'bing' when he reached up to wave it over my chest (& found a pair of tweezers in my flano that I forgot about   .. so much for the body scan ), I proceed to gather the rest of my shit from the now shoved to the end of the roller conveyor, over walks a very cute young Indian Screener & asked me to follow her .. "YES PLEASE" anywhere, I thought    .. then mummbled  
"for fuck sake"
Back over to another desk for another 'bag on bench search'   
Knowing the routine {I'm a fast learner     } pack open "I already had my stuff poke & wiped by someone else just before .. What are you searching for ??"
"Explosives"
After a few pokes, she walks off ..
????
No-one else, as in, security or hivis vest wearing, was near me or was even looking at me, so I packed up my shit & walked on ..
..
On the return flight security check-in .. was swapped only once for explosives after the body scan, which I did not touch on purpose this time, but my flano brushed it &  walked too fast, so said the big Mari dude as he waved his wand about my person, I asked "Do you pretend to be Harry Potty with that thing ??
A 'Fuck Off' look was surprisingly replaced with a girly giggle then "Good one bro, haven't heard that one"

..

Two main things I noticed whilst sitting & waiting in the Melbourne airport, watching all the mixed non-Australian security airport workers, at least 30, about 20 I noticed in Brisbane's airport, also non-Australian .. I didn't see or hear one Aussie among them       ..
& the second thing, the screeners, the way they done their job ..
I watched the screeners for about an hour, in that whole time, {that I seen, but they didn't disappear from sight 'cept from someone blocking my view as they walked past} not any of the four changed the white swap cloth ..
That's understandable as if they aren't picking anything up from JUST bag swaps ..
BUT ..
They were walking around using them to scratch their backs, tapping desktops, just touching random shit  

Anyway ..
 
So .. I'm guessing ..

to the Non-Australian's that control OUR 'security' .. I must be their idea of the typical drug mule suicidal bomber terrorist type ????


 




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Rxes - View user's profileSend private messageView user's personal gallery 
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Maybe take the bus next time ?    
 




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Davo - View user's profileSend private messageView user's personal gallery 
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Good year man.....I fucking hate Airport security...
I would be the most normalist looking lout when it comes to normal in me eyes...
Baby faced handsome sort that just mulls in with modern society. No facial hair and a normal day bathroom hair do with hand clippers controlled by me....

Yet....Every time I go near anything security....I get the random.

Frustrating being errasistable to all sorts.   
 




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Its Cool RXES . I get it all the time in brissy and  perth   Bundys good all still talk aussie . but the best part of the other 2 airports is I am starting to understand  .few more lingos I now know how to say {what} in 5 different ways . and they still carnt understand me. Ha ha
 



 
FANG - View user's profileSend private messageView user's personal gallery 
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Gets bit scary Rx. When i went to US last year, ( first time on plane since i was 6 weeks old coming back from New Guinea)at Mascot  i  had a swab of my wallet & back pack. I started shitting myself not knowing what was the go.  But the trip was worth it.
 




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STEAMER - View user's profileSend private message 
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just been to Ireland 2 flights and back pack searched both flights sniffer dog in abu dhabi did not get any better with customs in Ireland wanted to know where we are staying . how the fuck would I know I gust got here is there a shortage of accommodation was not the answer they wanted but all I had
 




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Yep, I know exactly what you mean Rx.

I have to go through Melbourne Airport security twice (once to drop off and once to pick up a week later) every two months. Mother-In-Law flies up to Brizzy to see relatives for a week each time.

Two things I notice.

1.
The security are all Pakistani, Indian, or European with bad English, but mostly dark-skinned people.
Then once through Security I go over to the food court and walk past Middle Eastern staff in Krispy Kreme, the Asians in some shops, then all the Indians working in Oporto and other shops. I usually get Hungry Jacks and get served by more Indians.

Then I sit down and eat while the Airport staff walk past constantly, mostly Indian, some African, and some middle Eastern.

I often think "people come to Australia and all they see is Indians, Asians and Middle-Easterners". The only whities in the Airport are the tourists.

2.
BUT!!!!!! the other thing that I notice, it's a BIG thing, and it gets my temper up, is that you CANNOT take anything dangerous through security that you could threaten flight crew with and hijack a plane, and that includes simple things like Rx's tweezers, nail clippers, metal combs, small scissors, etc etc. BUT . . . once you have been through Security you can go to the Food Courts upstairs, or the cafe's downstairs and get a meal with a Knife and Fork!!!!

The amount of weapons you can load yourself up with AFTER going through security is mind-boggling!

- Knives, Forks, Glass Bottles, and all sorts of handy gadgets from the food shops and cafe's;
- Letter Openers, Corkscrews, nail clippers, Manicure kits, etc from the Gift Shops;
- Glass Bottles from the Wine Shops;
- Sharp pointy ended Umbrellas to stab, and walking sticks to hit with, from the Luggage Shops;
- and the list goes on, look around next time and see how many weapons there are . . . AFTER going through security.

You are able to walk on to any plane with any of these items and not be searched or stopped, because you've already been through security!

Makes the Security Check pointless doesn't it!!!!!    
You can get better weapons for Free in a cafe inside the airport than your own nail file or tweezers that they just took off you back at security.
 




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Cheers, Ken.

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Last edited by -KEN- on Sat 02 Jun, 2018 21:31; edited 1 time in total 
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Yep every time I go threw airports I’m always being checked for explosives or having that hand held detector thing run over me    couple years ago some sour old cow ran that hand held thing around me and when she when down near my arse I said be careful that area is explosive not even a smile , I think she may have been dead already  
 




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Well, when I me and the missus went to Hawaii a few years back all was good until going through Customs in Hawaii.....I had an apple I didn't eat from the meal on the plane...… the stewardess said I could take it, after all I paid for it.  Well you would think I was trying to smuggle in some highly illegal contraband. One checkpoint I told the guy I had an apple, he grinned and said OK, so off I walk to another checkpoint with this big dude with a huge pistol on his belt....he pulled me up and said no way was I bringing an apple into the USA, go back to the last checkpoint.
I don't want the fuckin apple...…….no, no, no, go back
my missus had to wait and mind our gear, as I tried to navigate back to the last checkpoint, where the fuck was it now, walking against the crowds, I eventually found the checkpoint with the same dude, and finally got his attention
I has to fill out a form..... I said don't worry I don't want the apple. He said I still had to fill out the form. took the apple from me and threw in a bin.
I then had to take the form back to the big guy with the gun, before I was allowed to leave
and I lost me apple and about an hour...…

The apple was probably US grown anyhow
 




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Cheers Peter

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I notice all the comments are from (like me) old farts! We get old lose patience and rightly so!!
My son, on the other hand thinks all this stuff is a game. Last time he travelled to the US, he caused a stir. He is slightly 'european looking' (we are aussie 4 generations) so when he grows a beard he does look dodgy!
So to complete the 'look' he bought one of those little head coverings that look like a doyley, and voila instant terrorist, halarious!

Maybe he just enjoys the cavity search!
 



 
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I’m a regular flyer with my work. 6’ tall, 100kg, fat, bald, 50+ white Australian male. Guess who gets bomb checked 9 out of 10 times? Yeah, I’m high risk FFS.
 



 
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Yeah .. I also noticed that not once any muzrat chick {headbag wearer} or guy {with them} was called over or swabbed    

Only whites, oldies & kids ..

 




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Last edited by Rxes on Mon 04 Jun, 2018 23:44; edited 1 time in total 
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Ken .. you are spot on.

Shit .. anything can be used as a weapon in the right hands ..
from a pencil {prefer a 2H} to a simple magazine {folded & rolled the right way} ..
A hardcover book makes an excellent blunt instrument   ..
I had The Four Legendary Kingdoms by Matthew Reilly .. it wasn't even given a second look.

What irks me about the whole thing, is the way they look at you with their "better than you" attitude ..


 




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I've gone over the ditch numerous times to look out for Mother, sometimes I might splurg and go business,

when you sit down they give you a glass of champas in a glass then the meal is served with real knives and fork,

but the whole area from past the check point to plane is a wonderland of useful tools.

Was taking my Mum home after having her over for Christmas, going through the x-ray I turn around and

the idiots have my 85 year old Mum trying to take her shoes off at the x-ray, no offer of a chair or help from any of

the ingraites so I turned, abused the shit out of them went back through the x-ray to help Mum, one tough fat

prick stepped forward to stop me so I told him to stop where he was or  I'd drop him on his arse. As I took Mum

through I let every one of them bastards, male or female what I thought of them.

Brisbane is the worst airport I've been through,

WOW that was a blow out.
 



 
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Col wrote: [View Post]
I've gone over the ditch numerous times to look out for Mother, sometimes I might splurg and go business,

when you sit down they give you a glass of champas in a glass then the meal is served with real knives and fork,

but the whole area from past the check point to plane is a wonderland of useful tools.

Was taking my Mum home after having her over for Christmas, going through the x-ray I turn around and

the idiots have my 85 year old Mum trying to take her shoes off at the x-ray, no offer of a chair or help from any of

the ingraites so I turned, abused the shit out of them went back through the x-ray to help Mum, one tough fat

prick stepped forward to stop me so I told him to stop where he was or  I'd drop him on his arse. As I took Mum

through I let every one of them bastards, male or female what I thought of them.

Brisbane is the worst airport I've been through,

WOW that was a blow out.
Newcastle is not much better
 




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My wife and I flew out of Hobart yesterday for Adelaide so see her Dad. You guessed it. We got bomb checked in Hobart by a fucking Muzzie. The prick even had a smirk on his face when he did it.
 



 
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The wife got dragged out of the line at Dubai airport and taken into a room for a strip search, I hit the fucken roof and was told to shut up or get arrested. We're not spring chickens and it isn't nice to have that shit happen. Meanwhile all these young backpackers that looked like they were on planet 9 and off their heads just waltzed through without a second glance. Go figure. Maybe they reckon seniors are the new breed of drug mules.
 




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I used to always get randomly selected for the bomb shit but know with the metal knee I get the deluxe version, absolutely everything the have at the foreign end of the airport.
 



 
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The bastards nailed me again coming home from Adelaide. The prick even dragged me off the screening area while I was trying to grab my backpack. Nailed again flying from Hobart to Melbourne yesterday. I’m getting a bit tired of this shit. My wife reckons it’s as funny as fuck as they leave her alone. Heading overseas today and straight through. Probably glad to be rid of me I reckon.
 



 
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Yea that would be right some wanker droped a bag of Meth at Moolart well  one our Regis Resources mines.and thats where the airpor is for us to fly out of t0 Perth landed around 10Pm at a Reginal Airport and the  Feds were there with sniffer dogs 50 of us lined up bags on the tarmac a meter ln front of us and the dog was walked down the bags 2 times either way then d0own the line of us workers 2 times.as ya would be stupid enough to carry anything on ya when ya know some fool lost there stash dipstick.
 



 
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